EXCLUSIVE: Steve Bannon's Secret ‘Come Back Kid’ Message to Boris Johnson Last Year

Bannon famously said ‘culture is upstream of politics’. In this leaked email, Trump’s former campaign manager advises our former Prime Minister that values are upstream of both

Photomontage: PA Images/ Alamy

Byline Supplement cannot verify the authenticity of the following document, but is publishing it in the public interest.

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1 April 2022, Megayacht, NYC Harbour

Hi Boris

(Or can I call you Al? LOL)

I was bummed to hear of your troubles. So what if you partied during lockdown? Better than the losers sucking up kombuchas through their face nappies. Better than submitting to the deep state and its elites.

Everyone knows now the scamdemic was manufactured by the Chinese to make George Soros and Dr Sauci take over our lives. But you took a stand when it was hard. You drank and hugged and let it all hang out when it mattered. That's what I love about you Boris. You showed us that liberty can be grabbed moment by moment, glass by glass, leg by thigh.  

Here’s my advice what to say when you face off the fake news brigade and their acolytes. Tell them anyone who can remember a good party wasn’t at the party. Say. ‘I just forgot I was there. And if you’d been there too, you wouldn’t have remembered it either.’ 

People are going to call you a liar. Great. No problem. Simple answer. They’re liars too! Flood the zone. And don’t forget it’s not a lie if you say it like you believe it. It’s not a lie if other people believe it. It’s not a lie if it works. It’s an alternative reality. A force field you project on reality like a huge megapixel hologram of a billion lumens.

I won’t forget the great times we had playing pie-knuckle with Steve Miller in the White House back in 2017, waiting for Trump to ban Muslims or attack a small country. As your Yank campaign consigliere who helped with your great Burka speech, I’m back in your hour of need to help frame some fightback memes.

Earlier this evening, there I was, sipping bourbon on this yacht with my Chinese billionaire friend in his private cinema, watching Moulin Rouge. I never liked that movie. Too many culture warrior blue pills. But then they were singing and this big banner unfurled. Truth. Justice. Poetry. Words. Just three words. Truthjusticepoetry. But they hit me, like a religious vision or hard snort of crystal meth.

Those three words mean everything. And they can mean anything you want.

Folks still go about about what I told my head of research at Cambridge Analytica back when I founded the company — ‘culture is upstream of politics’. (That was in Cambridge, England. Not the fake one in Massachusetts filled with feminazis, woke warriors and Incel geeks). The real Cambridge is old. Real old. And its age and antiquity and ancientness made me realise something more than that orange-haired weirdo would have ever understood.

Upstream of both politics and culture is something even more important, the source (or secret sauce as we used to say at CA while our Canadian friends got Brexit won for you) of everything.

Upstream of both culture and politics are/is values. 

Values are even more valuable than money. Me and Guo are always talking about how Bitcoin is better than fiat currencies. The dollar, the pound, the Yen — they’re all produced by Governments. The lender of the last resort. Command and control. The state creating value. It’s pure communism. That’s a fact. 

But values really come from people and their beliefs. That’s what I learned after working in Goldman Sachs and then Hollywood and then mining World of Warcraft gold. What is the ultimate value? The sovereign good? It’s spiritual: Truth, Justice Poetry. Good things. Good people. Good vibrations.

Good. God. Think about that. Just one letter apart. Good. God. It will blow your mind.

But after the blow, the blowback.

I bet you’re thinking, like Paul Manafort would ask me about Deripaska, “how do I make it good again?”  Politics isn’t enough. Culture isn’t enough.  Money isn’t enough. You have to give people a sense of value.

That’s where three simple words come in — your truthjusticepoetry. You did it before with Dom (your own pet rebellious weirdo) and the phrases Take Back Control and Get Brexit Done. Sure, they were inspired by our Build the Wall, but you can’t build a wall in the British channel (you need something like Stop the Boats — you can have that for free)

But that’s politics. This is personal. To relaunch Boris Mark 2, what your need is your own three-word buzz phrase. Something like Buzz Lightyear’s To Infinity and Beyond. Or the Donald’s Make America Great Again. 

(Okay. I’ve just counted. Those are four-word phrases. But the thing is the audience won’t care. They’ll just love the sound. And you saying it. Over and over again.)

So what should those three or four words be?

Back to values. It’s nearly Easter, and we’ve both studied history and seen how Christendom took a convicted felon on the Roman equivalent of death row and made him the leader of the most powerful military force in the world. 

Christianity crushed Islam. It crushed Communism. It would crush Buddhism if only those guys would stand up and fight. And Jesus was a master of the viral meme. Crucified, dead and buried and then rolling back the rock of his tomb? It’s visual genius. Better than Kiefer Sutherland leaping out the grave in The Vanishing or the guy in the ice hockey mask coming back at the end of Halloween. 

So what I’m thinking is, come this summer, while the Lilliputian libs and RINO sellouts think they’ve nailed you to a cross — take them by surprise. Climb up on that dang cross. Bang some nails in yourself on live TV. And then look in the camera and give them the ultimate combback* line…

(*Oops. Typo - I mean comeback, but like the Donald you both need a bit of combback too! LOLZ).

So how about…

Boris is Re-risen

Or:

I Shall Ride Again 

(No Jenny Arcuri jokes here, dude)

And if either of those don’t ring, or seem too pushy (I know you Brits are shy that way), then there’s one phrase which will work like the bomb...

Bring Back Brexit

Yes, just like the Wall can never really be Built, Brexit is never done. You’re a happy warrior and you need Europe as your enemy. You fight them on the beaches, on the TikTok and Telegram. Brexit made you, baby. Brexit is your baby. Bring Back Brexit. If Brexit never dies, and then neither will you.

Look. I’m telling you this, not because I want money or fame or any more political power. Me and Raheem have more power and fame than you can possibly imagine, especially on YouTube. I don’t want anything in return. I just want you to get on and make your sad little rainy island great again. 

All I ask is, when it works — and it certainly will — don’t forget your colonial cousin. When you get back for another term in your own smaller townhouse version of the White House, just give me a thought. 

I know they’re ten a penny and you have many other people to pay off, but SIR Steven Kevin Bannon sounds kind of cool.  Baron Bannon of Breitbart if you really must. But all this is in the future. Go rise again my comeback kid. Do what you do. Keep on doing it. And one day the world will catch up with you…

Dang. Gotta go. Someone’s knocking on the door. Hard. They say they’re the FBI but I bet it’s Raheem playing some April Fool!

Sayonara

Steve KB

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